Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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