remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
