I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
