all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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