you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
