So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
