i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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