I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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