There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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