I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize