ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize