So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
