Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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