I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
