some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
