Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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