You're completely useless in the revolution.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
