Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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