he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
