your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize