dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Randomize
