sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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