I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
