I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
