Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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