RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize