did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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