I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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