Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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