I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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