Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
