My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
