the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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