I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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