his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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