You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
