Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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