you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
