So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
