i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
