I wish you could order shots online.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
