Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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