Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We need a shit load of segways right now
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
