Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize