I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
