I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
