If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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