As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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