So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Yo dont text me then not text me
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
