Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
