you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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