I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize