jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
