Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
