No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woke up backwards on a recliner
3 2 1 whiskey
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
