the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
