the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
