Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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