A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
