so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize