i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
two words: eviction party
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
