shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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