i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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