Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
