I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
