He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
