Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
