i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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