fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
