Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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