i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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