well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
