toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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