I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
