im drinking this country out of the recession.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize